My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
