the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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