it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
