I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
