so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
