Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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