Please don't use social media to get back at me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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