why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
