Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
