By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
