I am spending my child support on dildos
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
