I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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