I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
