Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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