u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
