I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
