Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
