therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
