I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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