we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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