I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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