Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
