Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
