foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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