I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
