but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
