I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this hospital has no fireball
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
