I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
