im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
