She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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