The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
