the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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