My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
