just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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