Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
