you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
