I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
