If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
