i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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