I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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