Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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