i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
