just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
