yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
