I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
