More tranny stories later!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
