i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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