I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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