So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
