id be glad to
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
