i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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