sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
