How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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